What is 90:10 Principle

The ’90:10 Principle’ by Steven Covey is practically a reflection of Jesus Christ’s teachings of love, mercy, forgiveness and understanding.

The principle shows us how, in every given situation, we do control 90 percent of what happens in our lives based on our reactions.

God has given us “free will” to choose between what Christ Jesus teaches us as against what the evil one has all along been waiting for us to do.

Many times we become judgmental, we are prone to curse, belittle or label other people, sadly even our love ones.

Forgiveness in Jesus

We become subjectively angry instead of being able to forgive and learn to bury our past mistakes, and better, learn from them as matured individuals guided by faith in Christ Jesus.

It is when our emotions start to control us rather than the other way around, that we get lost in our reactions.

Could we not better control our reactions if we project and show our love in truth, with care, forgiveness and understanding?

We are all subject to commit mistakes. And we are all sinners.

Anyone who cannot accept this fact refuses to know himself and the truth that everyone must be willing to grasp.

This hampers them from accepting reality which is an obstacle to complete renewal.

The most important aspect of any bad experience is accepting fault or responsibility and learning from it, and making amends to correct it.

In this way, the situation becomes more manageable, as healing gains ground to mend a broken relationship instead of causing further undue harm which may lead, hopefully not, to a seemingly irreparable damage.

God as Maestro and Guide

But as in Matthew 19:26, Jesus states, “With God, all things are possible.”

It ‘takes two to tango.’ Partners should learn to see the importance of complementing each other by being more sensitive to the need of each other through openness and humility, with God as Maestro or the DI (Dance Instructor).

A couple should not let personal differences and opinions on certain issues ruin their life long commitment for each other.

Providing a viable solution more acceptable to both parties should be the main focus, not dwelling on the opinion or the issues per se.

Own Talents to Make our Relationship Work 

And we all have distinct God given talents innate in us that can often be used to complement each others weaknesses.

Sincerely learning to praise and acknowledge each others strengths at the right place and at the right moment further increases ones self esteem and confidence and this further helps him become a better person.

Both parties have to realize while each one has his faults, all are subject to commit honest and sometimes even grave mistakes, to which, humility and forgiveness plays an important part in keeping the relationship intact.

The bottom line is putting the past behind and the willingness to start anew, from a fresh start, with that yearning that both parties are willing to learn from each others mistakes.

Children as Treasures in a ‘Forever’ Relationship

Learning to forgive one another to mend their ways together and acknowledging the bigger responsibility that they have on their hands especially when they already have a child or a number of children, is always noble.

The children are the added treasures in a married couples’ life together.

Parents owe their children, who are their very treasure(s) and gift(s) from God in their relationship, their unselfish guidance, protection, care and their love that they too may see the true meaning of living a whole life with their parents as a family in a community of love while sharing all the trials and sacrifices that makes the family stronger and to truly persevere in this life, in a relationship that is meant to last forever .

A fitting relationship meant to withstand the tests of time is a relationship that is bounded by faith through the sacrament of matrimony shared by both husband and wife with their children, with the essence of ‘unconditional love’ under God’s guidance and with His blessings, together as one, being there for each other, sharing one body with our Almighty Father through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. This is the key to a long lasting relationship.

Love Conquers All

‘Love conquers all,’ that is, as long as it is practiced unconditionally, as God has shown His non enduring patience and forgiveness for us out of ‘unconditional love,’ where no true relationship cannot heal.

A proof of this is the ultimate sacrifice of His only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, as he died to save us from sin, and rose from the dead, to fulfill God’s promise of an everlasting life.

God through Christ can show His unconditional love for us, can we not also show and do the same?

Too much pride and selfishness usually leads us to the dark path in reactions, and this usually leads to another set of problems in a relationship.

As more pain is inflicted, the more stressed one becomes.  And this can further weaken our faith, our confidence in ourselves and in God as we try to find escape from the truth or from reality, until we become too confused and lost out of pride, we become sick or ill as we refuse to heal, and as we deny and continue to deny ourselves from the love that God has given us and the love that we too need to share with others.

Being more careful, therefore, in our reactions can prevent a series of unfortunate incidents a big chunk of which we have created, and would have to accept responsibility thereof.

Would it, therefore, help if you respond in a more assertive and loving way, towards a path that leads to moral and spiritual maturity and veer away from a dark path that leads to chaos and confusion?

Goodness from our Tongue

The importance of filtering our mouth with what we say is in Christ’s words to a crowd which included some Pharisees or Hebrew priests, in Matthew 15:10-11 as he states, “Listen and understand. What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean’, but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean’.”

It is not as hard to do as one may think unless one really claims for himself that discipline to really want to change and care to make a difference in other people’s lives, specially those dear to us.

Counting blessings more than failures, practicing humility and restraint against foolish pride and giving praises as against being obnoxious or foul-mouthed can be a good start.

Compare this with what the 90:10 principle professes by Steven Covey where our tongue needs more taming and our reactions more controlled together with our emotions.

The Prayer of Jabez

The very powerful prayer of Jabez can help one in his willingness to change , (1Chronicles 4:10), “O God, bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast (territory), and that Thine hand might be with me, and that Thou would keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me (or cause pain to others)!” To which God granted Jabez what he requested.

It admonishes us to trust in God and do what he teaches, that we may enjoy life better with our family and our neighbors.

And this outlook of a stress free life can lead to a healthy lifestyle too, as Jesus keeps us under his protection. If we allow ourselves to grow prayerfully closer to him and kept in his flock, who will be against us?

Let us continue to pray that we may live with peace in ourselves and with others in the guidance of the Holy Spirit in this life, as a stepping stone to the afterlife.

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